musings from the pink chair

spandex

Posted on: 19 March 2010

i went to an actual, physical american apparel store for the first time today. it was a terrifying experience.

so you know the models on their website? who are wearing, like, multicolored, high-waisted bike shorts, shiny spandex tank tops, a giant cotton sack that dips down to their waist, fishnet tights, and a leopard-print scrunchie? all at the same time? THAT WAS WHO WAS THERE RUNNING THE STORE.

i sort of thought those people didn’t exist in real life. that they were like a hipster myth. or something. i never imagined that there would be real people who dress like that. but there ARE. and they ALL work at american apparel, because if they spent time anywhere else they’d probably be sent straight to the nearest psych ward.

the first girl who asks if she can help me had her hair pulled into a sloppy, high side ponytail. she was wearing a large, long-sleeved cotton sack (apparently a dress?) with bold black and white stripes that hung off one shoulder. she had on black tights with white, thigh-high fishnets over them. i was so busy taking all of this in that i didn’t even notice her shoes. i’m sure they really would have completed the ensemble.

the second girl was worse. her hair was all straggly and she looked like it had been about a week since she’d showered. she had on skin-tight, extremely short (like you could practically see her butt hanging out of them) navy blue corduroy shorts. and i think whoever sewed them might have misunderstood the word “inseam,” because the waist came up almost past her belly button. with that she had a tucked in but very baggy long-sleeved button-up shirt. and pointy kitten-heel shoes with some sort of giant flower-thing on the front. the expression on her face left me wondering whether she looked more like a pothead or a junkie.

so i grabbed the dress i’d come in there to get, paid the girl who looked like a heroin addict, and fled the store as soon as possible. i think i’ll order online from now on, because i have a feeling that american apparel may actually be a cult. a spandex-wearing, scrunchie-loving cult.

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I'm a twentysomething journalist who lives in Atlanta, loves all things artsy, and updates this blog from the cozy pink chair in my living room. More?

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The views expressed on this blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer or its affiliates. KTHXBAI.
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