i finally bought my own domain, so i’ve moved my blog on over.

same pink chair, BRAND NEW BLOG!

she also has taken to sleeping in shoeboxes, and frequently battles for control of my keyboard. and she’s the only cat in the world who comes when she’s called.

she’s quite the remarkable girl.

do you know what is majorly annoying? people’s attitude towards and lack of knowledge about “mental health.”

to begin with, it should not be a separate category from “physical health.” because it IS physical. it’s not like people decide to have a mental illness. it’s caused by chemicals and hormones and PHYSICAL problems, just like every other disease. why is it put in a different, stigmatized category just because it has to do with the brain instead of any other organ?

but ANYWAY, it is apparently “mental health month” this month and HR is like, oh, we should promote mental health for our employees for mental health month. which is fine. but do you know what they did? they set up a table where they gave out free pens and then you could wait in line to have a free “chair massage.”

right. because if you’d just relax a little and get a massage, all your “mental health” issues will magically disappear. just like relaxing cures cancer and diabetes and arthritis and every other medical problem without a cure. GOSH, ALL THOSE PEOPLE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA AND DISSOCIATIVE PERSONALITIES AND DEPRESSION AND OCD AND AUTISM AND PSYCHOPATHY SHOULD JUST CALM DOWN A LITTLE AND GET SOME REST AND THEY WILL BE ALL BETTER.

it’s like the people who are healthy saying that they don’t want universal health care because they don’t want to pay for everyone else’s health care because if they’d just eat well and exercise a little nothing would ever go wrong. YES, BECAUSE NOT EXERCISING CAUSES CANCER. THAT LANCE ARMSTRONG, HE WAS JUST NOT IN GOOD SHAPE.

so they show up with their roadies/posse, including a hipstery girl who is filming their every move on 8 mm. they explain that they’re documenting their whole tour. on 8 mm. i was like, ok, we get it. you’re indie. you can stop proving it now. really.

…aaaaaaand then i noticed that they were eating taco bell. NO SERIOUSLY GUYS, feel free to stop trying so hard. we get it. really, we do. just stop.

I HATE BACON.

it’s disgusting. it tastes like sizzled lard. the texture varies between really hard and really squishy. it makes me want to vomit.

i feel the need to put that out there because BACON IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD. it’s showing up in EVERYTHING. pasta sauce. seafood. BROWNIES AND DOUGHNUTS. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

next time i try to order scallops, i don’t want to have to settle for something else because they can’t make the sauce without the freaking bacon. and bacon in DOUGHNUTS? anyone who thinks it’s possible to improve on a hot krispy kreme original glazed, especially by contaminating it with bacon, is clearly certifiable.

• i was in the television show diagnosis murder. except it was real life. it was actually a terrifying dream, given that the show is, you know, a murder mystery.
• my college friends and i were at some sort of reception at duke, and hillary clinton was there. she came up to us and asked us about some of our policy ideas. and she liked them so much that she made us all go into a classroom so we could discuss further and she could take notes.
• i met cynthia nixon and all i could think to tell her was “you looked better with red hair.”
• i went to a gorgeous, minimalist beach house with big open spaces and huge windows. and ever since that dream, i’ve been trying to figure out where it is so i can go there.
• i found a hidden neighborhood behind my house where i grew up. i’ve had multiple dreams about this neighborhood all my life, and it’s become fairly elaborate. my sister also has dreams about a hidden neighborhood behind our house, and when we describe the neighborhoods to each other, they’re scarily similar.
• as part of some sort of magic show, i had to fight with a lion. this is bizarre because i LOVE lions — they’re probably my favorite animal. i’m not sure why. this is the earliest dream i ever remember having.
• i had to escape from some sort of art museum (that happened to be next to my house). i’m not sure why or who was chasing me. but i had to escape, and i felt like i should have been able to fly, but i couldn’t.

also, you know what’s really annoying? when you dream that you’re mad at someone or have a fight with them or whatever, and then the next day, you’re all angry at them even though it was just a dream. and you have to consciously remind yourself that they’ve actually done nothing wrong and that you shouldn’t be horrible to them. my mom calls this “dream hangover.” it kind of sucks.

so you know the models on their website? who are wearing, like, multicolored, high-waisted bike shorts, shiny spandex tank tops, a giant cotton sack that dips down to their waist, fishnet tights, and a leopard-print scrunchie? all at the same time? THAT WAS WHO WAS THERE RUNNING THE STORE.

i sort of thought those people didn’t exist in real life. that they were like a hipster myth. or something. i never imagined that there would be real people who dress like that. but there ARE. and they ALL work at american apparel, because if they spent time anywhere else they’d probably be sent straight to the nearest psych ward.

the first girl who asks if she can help me had her hair pulled into a sloppy, high side ponytail. she was wearing a large, long-sleeved cotton sack (apparently a dress?) with bold black and white stripes that hung off one shoulder. she had on black tights with white, thigh-high fishnets over them. i was so busy taking all of this in that i didn’t even notice her shoes. i’m sure they really would have completed the ensemble.

the second girl was worse. her hair was all straggly and she looked like it had been about a week since she’d showered. she had on skin-tight, extremely short (like you could practically see her butt hanging out of them) navy blue corduroy shorts. and i think whoever sewed them might have misunderstood the word “inseam,” because the waist came up almost past her belly button. with that she had a tucked in but very baggy long-sleeved button-up shirt. and pointy kitten-heel shoes with some sort of giant flower-thing on the front. the expression on her face left me wondering whether she looked more like a pothead or a junkie.

so i grabbed the dress i’d come in there to get, paid the girl who looked like a heroin addict, and fled the store as soon as possible. i think i’ll order online from now on, because i have a feeling that american apparel may actually be a cult. a spandex-wearing, scrunchie-loving cult.

um, wtf, texas? not okay.

“After three days of turbulent meetings, the Texas Board of Education on Friday approved a social studies curriculum that will put a conservative stamp on history and economics textbooks, stressing the superiority of American capitalism, questioning the Founding Fathers’ commitment to a purely secular government and presenting Republican political philosophies in a more positive light.”

stressing the ‘superiority’ of american capitalism? are you kidding me? as a former history major (and a human being with common sense), i don’t even know where to begin with all the problems i have with that. IS the american system superior? how do you know? even if you assume it is, there’s no way to prove it. what’s the ‘test’ for superiority? and IF you somehow prove that the american system is superior, how do you prove that it’s strictly due to capitalism? etc etc etc.

the founding fathers and their seperation of church and state? yes, OF COURSE they based some parts of our system on christianity. they were christians! (some of them deists.) that doesn’t mean they thought religion should control government. you know what makes me the most sick about this part? this:

“…managed to cut Thomas Jefferson from a list of figures whose writings inspired revolutions in the late 18th century and 19th century, replacing him with St. Thomas Aquinas, John Calvin and William Blackstone.”

TJ didn’t inspire revolution? that would be a laughable statement if it wasn’t so terrifying, digsusting, and unequivocally DEAD WRONG.

screw you, texas. you can’t just rewrite history because it serves your political agenda. obviously you’re not the only ones, but good god, when you not only do this but are so blatant and unapologetic about it, it makes me want to vomit. i’m glad i went to school in north carolina.

ABC is a NETWORK CHANNEL.  that means ANYONE CAN GET IT FOR FREE.  PLUG IN AN ANTENNA and you can watch the oscars. DID I JUST CHANGE YOUR LIFE?

[yes, antennas may be what your parents used in the '60s, but they still work. for free. and you get free HD, too. IT'S LIKE MAGIC! slash common sense.]